Grandma Bernie died today

Today was definitely a bittersweet (for lack of a better word) day. My husband's mother Bernice died today - she was 90 years old. The bitter part is obvious but the sweet part is because like my mom still does, Bernice suffered with dementia - the difference is that my mom's is of the Alzheimer's type. Besides that, she was chronically depressed as long as my husband can remember. When she shared with me the things this poor mother endured in her life (abuse in many forms and at the hands of many - though definitely not Reggie's father) I felt drawn to her in a way I could not describe. To call her depressed to me seems like labeling a soldier who has seen combat in Iraq as "bitter". I'll leave it at that - I'm sure you all can understand. Without disclosing too many of the painful details, the last several months were very painful for her. Her personality changed drastically - we all know this was due largely to new her anti-anxiety medication meant to curb her aggressive outbursts and anxious confusion. She was rushed to the hospital two weeks ago with pneumonia and a roller coaster ride of medications and changing facilities later, she arrived at Inova Fairfax (again) last Wednesday where we visited her every day (Jazzy thinks she owns the family waiting room on the 4th floor) until she died early this morning. Jasmine cried when we told her. She said: "Can I still see her? Does she still love me?" She also asked questions all day. We bought her a special dress that we know Grandma Bernie would have loved and she felt so special. She asked if Grandma Bernie could see her in it from heaven. She had a little trouble falling asleep because she was wondering if..."is Grandma Lulu (my mom) going to heaven soon too?" Then she said "Mami, please don't get sick. Can we die together?" Lots of reading as well as advice from Dr. Hackney made us feel somewhat confident in our answers but we just pray that we said the right things. Death does strange things to you - my head is kind of spinning. Again, for my husband and me, the day was bittersweet. We mourn her loss and cry at all she endured but we both felt such relief that is no longer suffering. No more tears, no more painful memories, no more sadness. We miss you Grandma Bernie.