Pray for Mami

I'm headed to L.A. this Thursday! I can't believe it! Its my first time since back in 2004!! I've missed my girls SO MUCH! Sue, Dawn, Amy and Anita (though Anita is out of town). Dawn told me last week that she'd be there on business and that she could get a room with 2 beds if Jaz and I wanted to join her. We both joked back and for a little but finally, I overcame my major hesitation to just look up the tix and see what it would cost. MB (my beloved - husband) really sealed the deal when he said I should absolutely do it and he hooked us up with his frequent flyer miles! Now we're going First Class (literally)! How could I say no to that. I can't even imagine what it will be like! I'm so excited. Of course I wish I weighed 10 lbs. less but whatever - I'm still thrilled. The thought of Jasmine coming with me is SO EXCITING! I want to show her everything - though I know that's impossible. Still, I know she'll love it and will be so spoiled by all of her titas treating her like a queen. Wow, its going to be so cool - like finally going home though ironically, I'll be leaving my mom and that is hurting my heart... Of course I'm worried and wondering how things will be. It didn't help that Senora #2 shared more sad stories with me about the treatment of the residents. She was telling me about the bathing process. How they're hosed down then dried without having the soap (and shampoo) rinsed off properly. Of course I worry for my Mami as she's the one on the floor who is least able to speak for herself. Today when I arrived she was a table full of people being fed by one of the aids. She was wearing the oldest t-shirt she has (I put it in her underwear/PJ drawer so she could wear it to bed - her "good" clothes are hanging right in the closet!) and had a table cloth stuffed in her collar. They do this often and I guess its bc she often spills food and juice on herself. Still, she just looked so helpless - pathetic - my Mami. Again, I should put things in perspective but it stings. Her t-shirt said "Because I'm the Principal, that's why!" I remember the first time I saw her wear this t-shirt years ago. I was so surprised to see her wear a t-shirt in the first place but she was so proud of it. She was a principal at the Catholic Elementary School my brothers and I went to. It was our church school. My mom was VERY respected in our community and especially at our church which she was highly active in. She taught religion classes and did various church ministries. Ironically I remember her visiting nursing homes. She convinced me to join her once and that was all I needed. I'd never seen such a depressing place in my life. I still remember the uneasiness and confusion I felt. Why were these people here? Do they have mean relatives who don't care about them? Does it really matter since they're all so old anyway? And more than anything, why would my mom want to visit them? Didn't she have enough sadness in her life with her mom (my grandmother) who was already old and very ill? I was completely baffled. She visited prisons too and I remember her talking about certain female inmates in particular and how they had really opened up to her. She was so amazing - incredibly compassionate. The sad updates and sobering moments chip away at me. I know I need to be putting everything in perspective and marching forward positively - I try my best. But these things really do chip away at me. Its a terrible position to be in - afraid to speak up lest your loved one's care be (further) compromised). I know it goes on everywhere - that's the even sadder part. These people are poorly compensated and have no motivation to do their job with love or compassion. The few that are "naturals" can be spotted a mile away. Besides Jackie (from Thetford House) I think I've only seen one more. She was a lady at my moms current residence who works only as a floater. She fills in when someone calls in sick - that's why I've only seen her once. Senora #2 and Ms. M. asked for a serenade again today and though I was pressed for time, I did S2's favorite - "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". That reminds me, I still haven't written down the lyrics for her! I'll let you know how my vacation went when I get back. Pray for Mami! Gotta go!